You're My Inspiration
by amandakingluvsscarecrow
Summary: Complete AU which takes place starting Nov. 1985. These are Journal Diary Entries by both Lee and Amanda.(Part 2 of )
1. Default Chapter

**_YOU'RE MY INSPIRATION_**

Story By: Dawn Otstot

Rated Strong PG-13

_WARNING: Complete AU which takes place starting Nov. 1985. These are Journal/Diary Entries by both Lee and Amanda._

Classified as a : Dual Song Fiction

In Working Progress Since: 2002

Note: It's only been Beta'd once (thanks VetteGirl), so I know there will be some errors...Keeping that in mind, I do enjoy being critqued, so please have at it...Though if you don't have anything pleasant or constructive to say, don't say it at all...

_General Disclaimer Scarecrow and Mrs. King and anything there by associated with SMK in this FF, the rights are owned by Warner Brothers Entertainment and Shoot the Moon Enterprises Ltd. .._

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**NOVEMBER 3, 1985**

Dear Journal,

Boy, I've owned you for how long now, and this is the first time I've actually felt that the thoughts flowing through my mind are just too strong to keep to myself, but too powerful to tell to another soul. I think the day I finally baught you was maybe a week after I met "her", undoubtedly the most beautiful, intense, loving little spit fire Nature ever designed. She has the innocence of a new born child, is as unpredictable as a wild fire, the power and stubborness of a Hurrican, and the beauty, heart, and mind of an Angel.

Now that I look back, I'd say it had to have been the first day I met her, was the first day I fell in love with her, but it wasn't till I let this song on the Radio really sink into my mind that it really hit me. It's not like this is the first time I've heard this song before, it's been around for almost a few years now, it just happen to be the first time it made sense to me.

Her name is Amanda King. She's a tall, slender but strong, chesnut colored hair mother of two from Arlington, VA... Her eye's are so intense, yet so adorable, and I find it so amazing how easily she is affected by a simple smile, placing my hand on her shoulder, or a thank you for ignoring my anger, and unconditionally following me blind no matter what danger lies ahead...

So, for a change Journal, I've desided to try something a little different, something that I, Lee Stetson has never done before. I'm going to find the Lyrics to this song, and write a portion of it in here when ever I make a entry. I want to see if facing my fear by reading how I feel, will finally show me a way to open my heart even more to Amanda, and not cause her anymore pain by running away.

Well, Journal, looks like I must get to work...She'll be wondering where I am if I leave any later. Next time we meet, I will have lyrics in hand, and then we'll go from there...

**

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**NOVEMBER 3, 1985**

Dear Diary,

Wow, it has been ages since you and I have talked...So much has changed in my life it's unbelievable, and I think this is probably the first time I've actually slowed down long enough to open you up and write...And with out even turning back the pages, I can tell you exactly when and I why I stopped doing what I use to find so important in my life. It was the day I met "Him"...

What a rollercoaster ride it has been since the day this most Intrueging, Dashing, Fascinatingly beautiful man walked me into his life...Well, it was more like he pulled me in, and I can't say I was too happy about it at the time, but to this day I have yet to regret it...The moment those Gorgeous hazel eye's of his looked into mine, I saw and felt something like I've never felt before. A man who was honest, but yet desprite, and I could feel his need to be helped...Not just with the current predicament he seemed to be in, but with something deep inside wanting to be set free... He seemed alone and scared, but strong and willing, so how could I not help him out...There was No Way my heart would have let me walk away from him...

His name is Lee Stetson... He stand 6'2", athletic build, but not too muscular, and has the softest sandy brown hair I've ever touched...Those eye's of his are, how shall I put this, Captivating...Yah, that's it! With a single glance I swear I feel their warmth touching my skin, their need in wanting to know all about me roaming inside, and the sudden urge to look deep into those eye's and try to see what mysteries I can unlock...And like clock work, he smiles, oh my gosh as I live and breathe, that smile has to be my downfall...Or maybe it's a combo of the two, I'm not quite sure, but I'm a goner as soon he does...And no sooner after, I feel my body shudder, the heat rise through out my flesh, and I'm suddenly so nervous that he'll read more into it or see something I'm not ready to reveal, so I avert my eyes away and try to recover...

Don't get me wrong, Lee Stetson has his moments...Sometimes that man can be so infureating, confusing, and just so full of himself, that I just.. just... ugg...I don't know... One minute I'm his best friend, the one who shares his deepest and most painful memories with, and the next thing I know I'm being pushed away like last weeks left overs I sometimes find in his fridge...I'm his partner for Gosh sakes, we're supposed to watch eachothers back, and solve these cases together. But Oh No... not him... We're partners, but only when there is no danger, nothing that involve me finding trouble, which according to him I always seem to end up in... I swear I hear " Amanda, stay in the car.." more times then I care to count, and that drives me nuts...

Billy, that's our boss, sees my frustrations, knows the anger I feel towards Lee now and then, but I think it's because he's been there before...He knows Lee so well that at these difficult times I usually find myself in his office, not by choice, but because Billy doesn't want me to give up on him...

"Amanda, you need to be patient with Lee...I know how you feel, believe me I know, but you also know he cares very much about you...And you of all people know the pain and emotional scares he's been dealing with most of his life.."

"Yes Sir... I know, but..." And that's were he always seems to cut me off, not that I didn't deserve it, but he knows all to well what I'm about to say, so he stops me right there...

"Amanda... look how much you've changed him, how much more effective he is having you by his side, and how much more careful he is knowing he not only has you watching his back, but that he has someone he needs to look out for too...No one I know has ever successfully been able to get through to Lee like that, but you did... You can't give up on him now.."

I know deep down I can't give up, well in actuallality, I won't give up... He's barried himself so deep in my heart that I'd be so lost, and alone without him... So I've desided to do something a little different, and from this point on I'm going to use this idea I have to keep from loosing my perspective...

There's this song I heard on the radio just the other day as I was cleaning out the den; sung by a group that has become quite a influence through out the adult portion of my life...a few of their songs got me past some pretty ruff times when Joe and I started having troubles...So it's no surprise that this one found it's way to me, and just at the right time I might add... I know, I know, out with it Amanda, your just waiting for me to share my idea, well here it is...

Everytime I make a new entry on to your pages, it will include a portion of the songs lyric. That way I not only hear it, but see what will be my driving force and constint remind of how I can't fade out of his life now... That what I feel day in and day out for this man, for Lee is real...

Oh shoot, look at the time.. Lee should be walking through that door any minute now, and I know darn well if he sees my writing on you, he's curiousity will get the better of him and he'll want to see it all...

Until we meet again...

Amanda

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	2. Chapter 2

**_You're My Inspiration_**

In Working Progress Since: 2002

**_Part 2_**

_General Disclaimer Scarecrow and Mrs. King and anything there by associated with SMK in this FF, the rights are owned by Warner Brothers Entertainment and Shoot the Moon Enterprises Ltd..._

Both Songs involved are by "Chicago" - "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" "You're the Inspiration"

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( ---- Indicate I've omitted some info do to the Security involved with my Job)

NOVEMBER 25, 1985

Dear Journal,

Ok, ok... I'll be the first to admit I'm not very good at this. And I know I should be making a bit more of an effort, but being in my line of work you never really have anything set in stone. I ended up getting an ear full from Billy, (that's our boss) on how lucky I was that Amanda King didn't listen to me when I asked her to "Stay in the Car."

"Stetson, I don't see why you won't let her help you. How many times has she saved your tail because either your stupid pride or over-protective manner got in the way of your judgment. The point of a partner is to have someone acting as your second set of eyes and ears, the person who will back you up no matter what, and makes sure you don't take any unnecessary risks.

Amanda King has a good head on her shoulders, and better instincts then any Agent I've ever known."

"I know...But Billy..." That's when he draws the line, cuts me off, and sets me straight.

"No Stetson, no buts...I want you to lose this bull-headed stubbornness, and STOP pushing her away. That women is probably the best thing that's ever happened to you, and The ------. Your taking just as much risk with her safety leaving her in the car, as you are taking her with you."

This part of the speech I think I've heard enough times that I could almost recite it in my sleep, but it's what he said next that really caught me off guard this time.

"But the difference is Lee, having her with you, you at least know where she's at and that she's safe. How would you feel if something happened to her while she's out of your line of sight, or better yet, how do you think she feels not being able to make sure you are ok, not being able to prevent or at least help her partner, someone she cares very much about out of a tough spot."

Maybe Billy's right, No, I know he's right. How could I be so selfish, and blind that I don't even realize she's just as concerned for my safety as I am of hers. That I might possibly be putting her in more danger leaving her behind, then if she was at my side. At least there I know where she's at, that if anything did happen, I'd be right there to help her, and vise versa.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you; I found that song, well the lyric I was telling you about last time. And as promised, I'm going to write down the first verse, but I think I'll do it on a new page. This way next time I open you up, that is the first thing I read, and maybe just maybe we'll have a little progress.

It's nearly Thanksgiving and Amanda invited me to spend it with her family. Funny thing is, I was about to agree when Francine (another fellow co-worker) dropped a rather large file in front of me and said Billy need this completed before I planned on doing anything else. But you will be proud of me Journal, I did ask her if she minded me dropping by later that evening for some leftovers and a cup of coffee.

Her eye's lit up like a candle, she then nodded a gentle 'yes', and said, "I would really enjoy that Lee... Thank you.."

Ok, well here goes nothing Journal, the moment you've been waiting for, the first part of the song.

Lee

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(SONG ENTRY - Nov, 27th, 1985)

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Hard to Say I'm Sorry

_"Everybody needs a little time away," I heard her say, "from each other."  
"Even lover's need a holiday far away from each other."  
Hold me now. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry. I just want you to stay. _

**_

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(I've indicated with a ----- were info I can't share is, due to Security reasons)

NOVEMBER 26th, 1985

Dear Diary,

Ok, so I guess I haven't gotten back into the swing of this yet... My apologies for taking so long to get back to you, but this job can be so demanding, that I tend to lose all sense of time... Lee and I were out on yet another 'simple milk run', simple my as... Ok Amanda, watch the language... We were merely supposed to meet with a member of Lee's "family" (not what you think, but I really can't go into detail), pick up some classified information, then do a "meet and greet" with a possible contact at a seedy little Bar and Grill on M Street... But No... Like usual, this 'Milk Run' went sour... Ohhh bad choice of words.. Sorry... Well anyway, next thing you know we have two flat tires, and are being chased on foot by a few terrorists with a serious grudge... I don't think I've ever ran so fast in my life, and Lee NEVER let go of my hand...He didn't even complain that I was possibly slowing things down, didn't try to hide me in some so called safe place till he took care of things, and I know for fact telling me to "stay in the car" was out of the question.

The area we ended up in was dense with foilage, still a bit damp from the earlier storm, cold, and very dark. In many way's we were able to use that to our advantage, but there were other times it became quite a hinderance too...It got to a point were I just couldn't keep up any longer; my lungs felt like they were on fire, my heart beat a painful rhythm against my chest, and my legs said "that's enough". So, I tugged on Lee's hand, and as if he knew exactly what I wanted to say, he stopped, observed the exhaustion rapidly eating away at me, and pulled me into the best concealed area he could find... He then placed his hand over my heart, brushed the cold sweaty strand of hair away from my eye's, and urged me sit with him and rest...

We stayed out of site for a good 20 minutes, well at least that's what it felt like...It had to have been at least 10 degrees outside, my sweat soaked hair felt like ice along my skin, and I could feel the burning pain within my muscles stiffen due to the cold air...I saw Lee trying so hard to not shiver, and I could hear his teeth chattering...He noticed I was too having the same problem, so he reached for my hands, sandwiched them in betweens his and massaged rapidly to create warmth... Both of us stilled when we heard the men run by or location, speaking at what sounded like their native language.

Lee leaned his forehead against mine, pulled at my hand to come closer, and kissed me on the nose... "We'll be ok...I'll get us out of this, and treat you to a nice cup of hot chocolate...I swear to you Amanda (he punctuated the "you" by kissing my on the forehead) we'll get out of this." I nodded, smiled as best I could, sniffled back the first signs of a cold, and just couldn't resist kissing him on the corner of his mouth...Both of us shivered simultaniously, but this time it wasn't do to the cold... Before I could speak; he grabbed my hand and lead me back to where we just came from. We figured it was about time we doubled back, since the ----- seem to be heading the other direction, contact Billy and have a few other teams sweep the area for these guys...Lee and I were most definitely not in any shape to go after them as is, and we still had a long hall to get back to the car safely...

Till then I had never known what it felt like to be in sheer exhaustion, so cold that the numbness in my fingers and toes became painful, and that it took ever ounce of my desire to live to keep me from collapsing right there...Lee was my support, and from the way he kept struggling, I'd have to say I was his support as well...As we came out of the dense brush; I could see the street light illuminating Lee's corvette... How could something that was maybe a block away feel like 30 miles...

It wasn't too much longer when we heard the sound of several cars surrounding our location; I could see Billy and Francine walking our way (our final resting spot, leaning up against Lee's car huddled together for warmth). Billy gave us both a soft knowing smile and returned to his strong serious manner... The two of them proceeded to help us to our feet, and lead us to the warm confines of Billy's car...From there we watched several ------ spread out and search the inner most depths of the mini forest...

Lee never once let go of me; he had me wrapped tight in a bear hug with the blanket Billy had left in the car... I don't know if it was out of fear, something new developing between us, or he was trying to keep himself as warm as possible too; but I won't complain cause it felt good knowing he was there and that I was finally starting to warm up again...

We spent the next 3 hours back at the ----- being debriefed, and giving our statements...By time we got out of there it was nearly 2am, and I could feel every muscle in my body crying out for a good message and a long, hot bath...And either Lee knows me so well now that he can read my mind; (ohhh scary thought) or he saw the stiff expression on my face because the next thing I know he had placed his left hand on my shoulder, knelt down before me, and interlaced our fingers together...

"How about I escort you inside; you look like your ready for a good massage, and a long, hot bath..." And before I could even process my next thought, he said it for me...

"And as your partner and best friend, I'd be honored to share one of my many talents with you..." I couldn't help but laugh right there; I wasn't laughing at him, just the whole situation.

"...Ok... very funny.. come on get it out of your system...What I meant to say my dear Mrs. King was that since you have no one at this hour to help you out with a message; I'd be honored if you let me be your Knight and Shinning Armor, so to speak.."

Let's just say I never did get my hot bath that night; his fingers were like magic...Teasing and gentle in some areas, aggressive yet soothing in others...It was like a intricately detailed art with him; giving each and every muscle from the base of my skull to the tips of my fingers and toes the same amount of attention...I trust Lee with my heart and soul, so I never did worry about him taking advantage of me...By the time he had reached the center of my back; I had become so pacified that I was in a light conscious sleep... I could still hear him talking to me now and then, asking my permission to massage area's he wasn't sure I'd be comfortable with allowing him to touch...

Truth be told Diary, I was in such a euphoric state that Lee could have asked me to Make Love to him and I would have said yes, but that will remain between you and me...Next thing I do remember was waking up to several pleasurable aromas; most of which were in the food family, one that took me by surprise...There before me, half sitting on the floor, was a very sound asleep Lee...I then noticed we seem to be sharing the same pillow, when I lifted my head just enough once again to get more comfortable... He was so close, smelled so good, and had the sweetest expression on his face...And I could still feel the warmth his hand produced as he gently stroked my lower back...

Unfortunately, that's when the reality of our situation kicked in and I started to question where the wonderful sent of freshly cooked eggs, bacon, and pancakes were coming from... Then, it hit me! Mother... She had to have seen us, cuddled up, his hand beneath my t-shirt, and sound asleep...Oh Gosh, what she may be thinking! And as quickly as the panic set it; it left...He must have felt me tense up underneath his fingers, felt there might be a threat, and rose to investigate. When I saw Mother begin to turn in our direction; I reach for Lee and pulled him back out of sight, or more like out of ear shot...

"Lee...What are we going to do? How are we going to explain this?" He looked from eyes, to my Mother, and back to me again...

"We don't Amanda... There is no doubt in my mind she has already seen and drawn to her own conclusions.."

"But we didn't do anything Lee... We just..."

"I know that Amanda, and you know that just as well, but we're only going to get ourselves in deeper if we act guilty and try to explain..." He then caressed his thumb along my cheek and fingers rested under my chin. "...We'll just get up, walk into the other room, have breakfast, and go about as if nothing happened.."

"But what if she asks questions, what if she... what if... Hold up, when do you eat Breakfast?" He then shrugs his shoulders and smiles...

"I will this time, but only to keep your Mother's interrogation to a minimum... "

"Awww... aren't you a sweetheart.."

And if I hadn't seen it with my own eye's, I wouldn't believe it...Lee's technique actually worked; Mother pretty much left well enough alone and smiled, and Lee for the first time since I've known him, actually ate breakfast...

Well, before I close you for the night, I plan to keep to my word and write down the first piece of the song...So...Here goes nothing.. LoL...

Amanda

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(SONG ENTRY - Nov, 27th, 1985)

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_You're the Inspiration_

Jan. '85 By: Chicago

_You know our love was meant to be... The kind of love that lasts forever_

_And I want you here with me... From tonight until the end of time_

**_

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_**Dear Journal, 


End file.
